Fingering Properly: 10 Tips & Techniques to Make It Work Really Well
Fingering – hardly any other topic is so hotly and intimately discussed or hushed up as the satisfaction of the woman with the fingers.
Girls: You all have somewhere this nasty memory of the past, when it has not worked during masturbation or when your, still inexperienced partner, like a cave explorer just hammered into the depths, right?
Guys: You all have this fear somewhere that you make mistakes with your fingers and rather bore them instead of making them moan, whimper and in the best case to a gigantic orgasm, right?
Forget all that was! Let go of your fears and focus on the here and now! Because while fingering you can do a lot wrong, but with the right technique also pretty much everything right and then it can be hot!
The female orgasm or – why the penis is not enough
Without meaning any harm, there are a lot of men who just don’t see the point of manual vaginal stimulation. But would you have thought that compared to men, only a fraction of women ever climax during sex, or that it’s more a matter of luck than talent?
The reason for this is not the lack of skills of men, but the female anatomy! Only about 27% of women said in a survey to come to orgasm every time during sex and that is too little! Reason enough, therefore, to take another little anatomy lesson.
The miraculous vulva – far more than just a gateway to happiness
Sure, for the penis the vaginal entrance is the goal to reach, but let’s take a look at what else a vulva is made of:
Mound of Venus – Sensitivity 3/5
Labia majora and minora – sensitivity 4/5
Clitoris – Sensitivity 5/5
The impressive anatomy of the clitoris suggests that there is much more to it than just a decorative little lump hidden somewhere between the labia.
In fact, researchers searching for the G-spot have even made an interesting discovery! The so-called CUV complex consists of more than just the visible part of the clitoris. The tentacles of the sensitive organ extend into the vagina and encircle the urethra, opening up whole new possibilities for stimulation and explanations for female climax.
It has been proven that the clitoris is the most important aspect of a woman’s sexual arousal. However, by discovering its true size, it is not only possible to stimulate it from the outside, but also from the inside! And you can take that into account when fingering it. But more about that later, now let’s first devote ourselves to the absolute basics that you need to fulfill!
The preparation for the perfect handjob with her
Just shove your hand down your pants and get started? Forget it right away, this side act rarely leads to the goal and this time you want to do it right. Therefore, prepare yourself for your assignment. By the way, this also applies if you’re doing it yourself and are still having trouble getting your money’s worth. The most important basics you need to know before the 10 crucial factors are:
Cut your fingernails and make them clean!
Grief lines are a no go Lube, lube, lube! No, spit is not lube!
Slowmotion! You are not a NASA rocket so you don’t have to go from 0 to 100.
Now that you’ve internalized this basic knowledge, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty! The 10 most important tips and tricks on how to get her to climax.
1. create an ambience in which she feels comfortable
It is too often underestimated how important the right ambience is! A dirty bed sheet, smelly socks on the pile in front of the bed and the muted Netflix movie in the background are real lust killers. Many men have no problem having an exciting time even in the club toilet, but many girls need it rather nice and relaxed!
With a freshly made bed, a nice smelling candle and soft music in the background, you can make sure that she can relax and give herself to you.
2. start with a relaxing massage
Be honest, as a man, you like it when she gets right into you and pampers you, don’t you? That’s because your arousal curve works very differently than your partner’s. While men typically respond more strongly to sexual stimuli and the curve skyrockets, women’s arousal builds slowly.
So by pampering her in advance with an erotic massage or even giving her a yoni massage, you can drive her pleasure curve up bit by bit. On average, a woman needs 15 minutes to climax with continuous vaginal stimulation, but it can take much longer. Therefore, do not rush, do not rush, but relax and enjoy.
Time pressure is the biggest killer for her orgasm! Would you have guessed that 68 percent of all people between the ages of 30 and 44 believe that women have faked orgasms before? A common reason why women resort to this trick is time pressure. Therefore, give her time until she is ready to let go. Even if it takes an hour!
3. it can’t get wet enough
There is still a common enough misconception that lube is only for anal sex. Bad mistake, there is actually no kind of sex where lubricant would be superfluous. Your partner automatically produces vaginal secretions when aroused, but this is often not enough to ensure a slippery pleasure. With lubricant you can prevent dryness from occurring in the first place.
If the vulva has become too dry and you scrape it with your fingertips, this can not only be painful, but can also quickly set back the arousal curve.
4. orient yourself to her, not to theory
We can give you a hundred tips on how to best bring your partner to cloud nine, but a little cooperation from you is needed! Very important is your power of observation, because if you see how she behaves, pay attention to her reactions and listen to her moans, you will realize what she is particularly into.
Every woman is an individual, even when it comes to preferred stimulation. While one likes fast movements and friction in the clitoral area, the other likes it gentle and tender. So venture out slowly, feel your way in and find out individually what is right for her based on her reactions.
5 Penetration is an add-on, not the basis.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when fingering is to go straight for the vaginal entrance. This mistake often stems from cluelessness and the assumption that penetration is the tool of choice. If you take into account the above studies and anatomical peculiarities of the vagina you will realize that the center of her pleasure is not inside the vagina, but outside.
Now this doesn’t mean that you can’t use your fingers inside. When she is ready, when her pleasure is already on the way to climax, your second hand may well be used to stimulate her CUV complex, consisting of the G-spot and the extension of the clitoris. Again, it’s important to observe how she responds to your touch. Because again to remember: Women are individual and have certain preferences!
6. integrate sextoys for optimal combination
Even if fingering is about using your fingers, sex toys can broaden your horizons tremendously! And no, not a competitor, just a complement! The market has become so big that there’s a whole lot to choose from right away to make you float them:
G-spot vibrators, for optimal stimulation of the G-spot.
Satisfyer, for the clitoral WOW effect
Finger vibrator, as a mysterious finger extension
Vibrating love balls, for buzzing pleasure from within
The G-spot is and remains a myth, but many women answer the question of its existence with their behavior. Rapid breathing, soft sighing, a quivering pelvis – something is definitely there. With a G-spot vibrator, you can bring the stimulation to a climax and meanwhile take care of her clitoris with your fingers.
The man’s biggest competitor? It’s not the boss, it’s not the fitness trainer, and it’s not the gardener! It’s the satisfyer. But don’t worry, he doesn’t cuddle, he doesn’t take down the garbage, he just provides impressive clitoral stimulation and therefore can’t be missing while fingering.
You sometimes wish you had magic powers and would love to make your fingers vibrate? Hocus pocus – with a finger vibrator you can do just that. Just pull it over your finger and manual stimulation turns into vibrating pleasure, which comes directly from your fingers.
For a little extra pleasure from the inside while you stimulate her labia and clitoris, vibrating love balls are the optimal helper. Introduced with plenty of lube, it irritates the G-spot and the inner area of the clitoris.
7. from the outside to the inside
When your partner is in the mood, she will be happy to sit back and let you pamper her. But think again about the phenomenon of the arousal curve. Initially, the clitoris is still hidden under her foreskin, is hypersensitive to touch, and may even react unpleasantly if you go straight for the full. Less is simply more on the way to the hot road!
Start slowly, stroking her labia, breathing kisses on the mons veneris and working your way forward until you notice a swelling of the clitoris and determine from her reactions that she’s ready for more. Circle around the clit before stroking it a first time. And then again, again, and again!
8. she is more than a vagina
The vagina is a sweet spot and many a man can’t get enough of touching, caressing and exploring it. But please don’t forget that your partner is more than just a vagina. Her entire body contains erogenous zones and besides your hands, you also have your mouth! Bend forward, kiss her nipples, her lips, breathe soft kisses on her belly and make her body shiver.
If you’re both into it, you can also include her perineum and even her anus in your lovemaking. Don’t forget the lube here, though, because the backdoor is even a little more sensitive and delicate than the vagina.
9. go in the direction of the home stretch – no way back
You know it: the point of no return! At some point it is reached and you can recognize that very easily by her behavior. Her breathing gets faster, her body rises and falls, she spreads her legs a bit wider and literally pushes herself towards your fingers. Congratulations, you are doing everything right and you know: never change a running system!
Now it’s up to you: Keep going, keep going, keep going. Whether you get a cramp in your hand or numb fingertips, when you feel her climax on its way, don’t change a thing. Even a slight deviation can cause her arousal curve to reset, which can be frustrating for both of you.
10. let the orgasm come
When she is about to climax, your full focus may be on her vagina. Now touching elsewhere would probably only irritate her. Direct your complete attention to the hotspot that will now bring her to the peak. When she comes, keep going, but then stop your touches slowly, because for many women, touching the clitoris right after climax is actually uncomfortable.
Definitely don’t leave her alone now, jump up and continue watching your movie. Instead, snuggle up to her, kiss her, caress her, because even after climax, a woman’s arousal curve is different from a man’s! While you can go back to your daily routine pretty quickly after ejaculation, it takes her longer for her orgasmic wave to subside. And maybe your partner is even one of those women you can please with multiple orgasms.
Whether solo or together – fingering is too often underestimated
When it comes to bringing a woman to climax, classic sex is overrated, fingers underrated. And many girls themselves underestimate the magic of their ten fingers. Just try out what wonders and what sensual moments you can create when you use the art of your fingers properly. Your most important tool is lubricant – everything else comes from the wrist!